A Message to Incels

You have my sympathies. The traditional role as butt of the joke in every situation is small comfort. As a Christian on the internet, I would know a little about that. However, rather than hold a collective pity party, I would prefer to share a Christian perspective which I believe is relevant and which I hope provides some comfort.

Jesus was once questioned whether divorce was acceptable, in any situation. His response was a very emphatic negative. The nature of a couple was originally intended to be inseparability. Love-based relationships surpass family bonds; they are circles of trust shared by you and one other and none else. They are fragile but must not break. While they may stretch under pressure, they were never meant to have abrasions. Looking at cheerleaders on the television and thinking some thoughts? Cracks. Dysfunctional roles, where someone pays the bills, another tends to the house, and both of you forgot about the kids? Cracks. Even an apathetic viewpoint is a sign of poor health. Biologically, the family unit is the unbreakable monolith that keeps our species running yet the single most difficult psychological universality.

And that’s tough. You think that the girl out there is meant for you, that she truly is the one. You don’t know her flaws. You can’t see what makes her incompatible. If you aren’t turned off instantly after the first date, it will start to dawn on you, and it will gnaw at you, and suddenly, you’re trapped and locked in a death spiral. She wasn’t that perfect girl after all. No worries, you say. I wasn’t interested in marriage; I only wanted to shed my virginity. And in the unlikelihood of pregnancy, then… well… but that will never happen! I’ve merely given her, and myself by proxy, an irretrievable imprint on her body’s history. It’ll be fine; just ask the elderly with wrinkled tattoos and lung cancer! Mere pleasure can be found in a video game. Relationships with others go well beyond that.

Does this sound like too big of a responsibility? Do you think that you won’t be able to cope with the real version of the woman whom you fantasize? Will you look at another woman as a potential suitor ever again? Is there even the slightest chance of divorce? Fine. If you can’t handle the pressure, don’t play ball. It’s better that way, for both you and her.

But it’s your biological calling, isn’t it? Aren’t humans hardwired this way? Yes. Biologically, female humans are the genetic gatekeepers, and they are very selective in a vacuum. “For there are eunuchs who are born as such from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by people, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.” Biology, thank God, is not your only calling. There is still a way to reach success; you’re just looking in the wrong place. No, we’re not the most popular crowd, especially on the internet, but there’s nothing to lose. Check out the Christian community. We have couples, and we have singles, all united under the banner of God. By and large, we welcome newcomers with open arms.

About The Author

Benjamin Bjorkman was raised a Northern Californian Presbyterian. His church was corrupted by internal politics and tyrannical leadership, and he began searching for a new home. He found refuge in a Dutch Reformed church, where he converted and remains active to this day. His personal spiritual adventure has been an attempt to separate Christian tenets with a solid spiritual foundation from more modern chaff, and finding ways to market the former to the masses. He ushers for church services at convalescent homes, and he supports local Community Bible Study plants from the sidelines. His personal favorite books are 1 and 2 Samuel.

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